In the words of Rita Ora, “RIP to the {jeans} you used to be…Dem days are over”…

About a year ago, I got these FABULOUS pair of American Apparel Easy Jeans. I straight up refused to give in to the super shiny Disco Pant. My ass is big enough, and I figured, it really didn’t need a reflector attached to it… and then light bounced around the room from it either. Despite the fact that I love Disco music, I like high waisted bottoms, I don’t mind Jessie J, and I am pretty much attracted to anything shiny (magpie-phillia); I was not gonna part with my hard-earned cash for them. Well, not too easily anyway. I had already purchased the American Apparel Riding Pant, with its gorgeous ribbed material (gotta love a bit of ribbing?) and super-cute knee pads. What’s more is, I didn’t pay full price for them… (Long live the ‘Selfridges Spectacular’ event!)

Anyone considered remotely “booty-licious“, will understand the dramas of calculating the ASS-WAIST-THIGH RATIO: In terms of denim, you usually have to compromise one or the other. NOT WITH THE AMERICAN APPAREL RIDING PANT! They are the answer. Seriously, they’re super-snug on the waist, with room to breath/fart/wiggle in the back, as well as being slender on the thighs… Where have they been all my life? Once I discovered what all the hype was about the American Apparel pants, I was addicted. I wanted them all – in every colour. My bank account (as well as my conscience), sadly didn’t agree. One evening, after surfing away carefree on the internet, my good old friend Ebay, made my dreams come true: “Genuine A.A Easy Jeans”, in Denim Blue for £37! I couldn’t resist.. a few moments later and I was committing to buy… The cost of the P&P from the U.S.A didn’t deter me, neither did the 9 day delivery wait for my beloved high waisted stretch jeans. I even brazenly purchased a second pair in black! (Well, why wait twice eh?).

American Apparel Easy Jeans

One year on, and several wears later, my jeans were officially rinsed. Literally. Black pair was Grey. Blue pair was a colour I can’t quite pin-point; but they certainly were no longer that beautiful Indigo present when they first slipped through my letterbox… #HUFF.

I need a new pair of jeans!

Look at them! Stretched out. Saggy-batty. Washed out…with those tell-tale, streaky-stretch-marked-because-I-gave-into-that-Nigella-inner-thigh-wibble-crap.
So out with the old in with the new.
There I was, about to commit them to a new life in the charity clothes bin, when my best friend Abi showed off her new “freshly-dyed, freshly-tailored”, jeans. There she was, cooly cat-walking across the room in what looked like brand new jeans. There I was, all open-mouthed, “What kinda witchcraft, heeby-geeby?… I-just-saw-them cast-offs-last-week-and-they-didn’t-look-like-that!”. She replied, in that i’m-about-to-change-yo’ life way she has a habit of, “Dylon”.

Dylon + Machine + Old Jeans = NEW JEANS! (…Plus a trip to the tailors to fix that sag-out crotch).

So, how about I got me some new jeans?

I tell you no lies… Even my cat agrees, and she’s coincidentally named Blue!

Dylon. Who woulda figured?

La Minx